Monday, October 1, 2007

Goodbye Beautiful Day

Topic for today's rant: Seasons

More specifically, Fall. It may be the worst season possible. I know, right, you're thinking "Mike, it's beautiful, it's wonderful weather, and it has halloween."

You are so very wrong.

I bring this up because the calendar is rapidly spiraling down into the abyss of winter, the last tatters of summer falling like autumn leaves on the trees. And there is the kicker. Fall sometimes pretends to be summer. But it lies. Oh does it ever lie. Because the next day it will be a hajillion degrees below too-f*cking cold. And that is unacceptable.

I wake up in the morning and I put on clothes. These clothes are chosen, primarily, on the weather of the preceding day. 75 degrees on Monday, I'll be wearing shorts Tuesday. 90 degrees Tuesday, I'll be wearing boxers and staying indoors with the air conditioning Wednesday. There is a progression here. But in Autumn, oh no... you see, in Autumn... Wednesday would be like... 55 degrees. And now I have hypothermia. It's not right! Damned be the temperate zones!

Another problem with Fall is the weather. It can't make up it's mind. One minute, sun. Next minute, Noah's Flood. And it's not the romantic kiss-in-me warm rain of spring and summer. Oh no... it's the icy daggers of want to be snow. And it lacerates my body temperature like I desire to do to so many Mac designer's tires.

Finally: halloween. Most vile of Autumn's sins. You know why?

I'm too old to do it without looking like a pedophile or a jerk-wad.

So all told, Autumn is good for pictures and little more. Give me summer!

Please?

~Chow

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